Culled from Nkemdi Mordi’s wall
The way we were brought up comes back to affect our marriage.
I have a friend who as a growing child, her dad was the breadwinner. He paid their fees, have money for foodstuffs , paid the rent and helped dem with their home work. Her mum was a nurse but her father still played his role.
She grew up with the mentality that a man should be d one to provide for his family
She got married to a man who in his own family, his dad had abandoned the home affairs to his mother. She would hustle from morning till night just so dey can eat. She paid their rent and fees. Mind u, his father was not broke oh!
Now wen they got married,She expected him to bring money for feeding…wosai!!
The man don dress go work. He didn’t know she was angry. And sincerely he was just being normal .He didn’t know he was doing something wrong.
Wen kids started coming nko?
My friend was mad. She was dying inside. To her, he should know wat to do as a man.
She stopped buying the kids pampers and food. Until he brought money.
The quarrels came
,the fightings came ,
the name callings came and
the beatings came too.
His family saw her as a wicked wife.
do u blame dem?mbanu
That was wen i came in. I told her if u have the money,buy it. They are ur kids too.
She heard me and started buying things at home.
Then came the next complain ..
“he does not appreciate my efforts ”
I had a talk with him and from our discussion, i knew where the problem was coming from….his background.
He kept saying…”cant she do it? After all my mother did it since i was born till date. Wat is she doing dat i wont hear word.?”
See eh, any mentality u grow up with,especially wen it was practiced by people u hold dear, e dey hard to leave u.
So i told my friend to keep talking to him. let him know dat d woman is only a helper not a bread winner.
In my own house, na me dey fix bulb if e die. Cos if i dont, dat warri guy no care
Na me dey fix my door handle ,or call plumber if the taps have issues…
At first, i been dey vex say which kind man no go maintain him house?
We stayed in a house for 3yrs without a lock on our door cos he didnt even notice it was bad. Me too i comot face. If he wont do it, let it be like dat
Until i went to warri for holidays…they were all using touch to bathe in the bathroom and there was light
wen i asked, they say the bulb don die since.
inukwa? Bulb of how much.?
The money to buy it was not the problem but nobody mind even go there.
Am still talking sha?
Something he grew up with, e go take time to change.
If i didnt understand the problem, we for dey fight everyday
U marry man wey family no dey do any gathering .Dem no even know their papa bday. Everybody on him own.
Then u want him to always be at home,care for u ,remember ur anniversary and birthdays…u enter one chance.
Wen u start complaining,he will see u as a nag.
before u know,fight don start,e go pack leave ur house.Even with dat, e no see wetin dey wrong oh!
Its not just the men,we women too get our own.
I believe communication can solve most of the problems dat fighting will cause.
It is now in our hands to train our kids the right way.Not just our daughters oh!
Becos if u train dem well igoring the boys,ur well trained daughters will end up marrying the untrained guys.Taking us back to square one
Lets give our children the best training with sound morals so dat their generation of marriages will be sweeter than ours.
i rest my case.
Godbless us all as we adjust!
Nkemdi C. Mordi Kenneth for Nkemdi Mordi Development Initiative(NMDI) Bringing Hope, Lighting Lives
About The Author
